Kagura invites the temple residents to a hot spring spa on Christmas but has naughty designs on Akagami.
Episode 8 — “Seeing a Turtle Is Good Luck”
TenPuru Ecchi Weekly Wisdom
天王山 (てんのうざん, tennouzan) is the name of a mountain in Kyoto Prefecture. But it’s also the site of a decisive battle from the Warring States period of feudal Japan. Hideyoshi defeated Mitsuhide at the base of Tennouzan in Yamazaki in 1582. Hideyoshi consolidated his power as the successor to Oda Nobunaga afterward. In Japan, Tennouzan has become a metaphor for a “strategic point, crucial time, a crunch, critical moment.” An American equivalent for using a historic moment as a symbol for decisive action is George Washington’s forces crossing the Delaware River on Christmas Eve, 1776. The Continental Army’s subsequent surprise attacks on Hessian mercenaries changed the course of the American Revolution.
Is it a coincidence I bring up a Christmas Eve “critical moment” from history when TenPuru shows Kagura maneuvering her personal Christmas Eve Massacre on Akagami’s “turtle head?” Of course not! (Yes, it is.) I did notice a difference between this weekly aphorism and the previous ones — it previewed an ecchi scene instead of referencing one. That’s dramatic! Somehow, the mountains of cleavage behind soapy suds will be strategic points. Will the girls’ contained “points” reveal themselves at a critical moment? Can they squeeze someone’s tactical location in an accidental scene of paizuri? Will Akagami’s turtle head “poke out,” bringing everyone good luck? Will the girls make a Christmas Eve surprise attack? It’s crunch time!
Heh.
Christmas party at a Buddhist temple: let’s go! Officially, it’s an end-of-year celebration. Okay. Way to keep it religiously legal. TenPuru’s foreshadowing paid off — Akemitsu bought a gift for Yuzuki. We know it’s a set of prayer beads he made. And look at the Christmas feast Akemitsu made for the “end-of-year” party. The girls want MEAT. Whose meat? Kurage wants Akemitsu’s meat, cooked meat, of course, forever! Oh no. A random gift exchange will ruin Akemitsu’s chance to give Yuzuki his gift for her. Har. Mia can’t be a present for someone. Think of the implications! Now Akemitsu has a better idea: body parts. He can live on one kidney, you know. Uh oh. Tsukuyo, I am skeptical if vibrating kokeshi are a thing. Ah. The perverted airhead Yuzuki bought that kokeshi with two power settings. No marriage certificate for Kurage!
Kagura has unique ideas on what nirvana looks like. Akemitsu wants a peek. Oh. Kagura’s legitimate gift is for everyone at the temple: free tickets for a hot spring inn. Ha! When we remember her evil thoughts about Akemitsu and add this dark sense of foreboding, Kagura’s plot comes to the fore. What will TenPuru show us happening to Akemitsu at the hot spring inn? But before people leave for the nearby hot spring spa, Santa Buddha needs Christmas cake. Yuzuki confirmed the Head Priest Aoba at Kijo’s temple is her mother, but she left out details on why her father moved out. Christmas gift exchange time! No surprises for us: Akemitsu and Yuzuki made prayer beads for each other. It’s like they’re getting married, teehee!
Christmas Eve Cake and Hot Springs
Kiki brought a reverse Christmas gift to Yuzuki. Her priest qualification exam will happen at the Crescent Moon Temple before their Buddhist Sect’s leaders. That means a temple inspection, which could lose them their accreditation! When the temple Buddha is wrapped in duct tape, that’s a problem.
TenPuru loves putting “moon” on the signs of buildings. The hot spring inn has two names — 月叢雲 (つきむらくも, tsukimurakumo — gathering clouds in the moonlight, cirrus clouds, crescent clouds) and 月光館 (げっこうかん, gekkoukan — Moonlight Inn). Is Tsukimurakumo the name of the family who runs it? Aha. Kagura paid a lot of money for the night’s services. Yup. Kagura set a plot against Akemitsu. The manager separated him with a sign that had “Bakagami” on it. Stupid Akagami. Don’t drink that! See your doctor if “it” doesn’t calm down after four hours. Obligatory changing room fanservice: inject it straight into my veins! Har. The girls wanted to see Yuzuki’s cute bicep flex. Kurage wants Tsukuyo to “share” her breast fat.
Poke that TenPuru Turtle Head
Commence accidental mixed bathing hot spring operation. Squishy, squishy. Mia explains how Kagura is her best friend. I feel a heel-turn coming on Kagura’s part from TenPuru. Meanwhile, Akemitsu is hiding from the naked girls. And not just because they would accuse him of peeping. He also has to hide from them. Why? Raging erection. How can he escape before someone notices him? Uh. He can’t. Because Kagura knew to look for him! Here’s the scene from the weekly aphorism. Better late than never! Kagura lacks a lucky lecher moment with Akemitsu, so she miscalculated how the other girls would react to finding him in the bathroom with them. They’ll still stomp him before he can explain himself, though. Aha! Here is Kagura’s manufactured “crucial moment.” Virile! Akemitsu’s poking turtle head is good luck, they say…
Later, the girls feel they must admonish Akemitsu but know it isn’t his fault. Still, it was “commendable” that he came forward. Immensely forward and quite commendable. Uh. Swap those adverbs, and you get the idea. Uh oh. Kagura saw she lost this round, so on to Plan B. She knows how to make his “strategic point” calm down. Oh. TenPuru tells us Kagura Baldwin comes from a “branch” family of the Christoph clan. Her assignment was to corrupt the recalcitrant Mia when she became her friend. The trip to Japan was not supposed to include living a celibate life at a temple but to bed a hundred men. That’s the sexual version of first-graders aiming to make one hundred friends from the commonly known folk song. Akemitsu is an obstacle to the Christoph family’s corruption plan.
Tied to the Past and a Chair
Kagura failed at making Akemitsu leave, but they formed an odd alliance. Kagura will pay off the Akagami debt to the temple if he does exit and pay for the repairs. Will Akemitsu leave after he learns to control his sexual addiction? Cliffhanger?
Next time, pounding mochi is barely slightly less of a double entendre than beating your meat. Just slightly.
TenPuru streams on Crunchyroll in Japanese audio and multiple language subtitles.
Hot spring inn trips with a harem are supposed to be fun. Even just one girl should rock your world. Akemitsu didn’t reach enlightenment this time, but nothing is stopping you. Check out this doujin that takes out the most annoying parts of Rent-a-Girlfriend, where Chizuru can enjoy getting plowed at the hot spring inn on the last day of principal shooting for her movie.
Did you wish you had seen more of Kiki in the hot spring? I did! And what was up with Kagura’s S-Class hypnosis skills? Do you think she’s used it on others on the temple grounds? To do what? Let us know in the comments below or online on Facebook, Twitter, or Discord.
