Over the years, I’ve made various observations about the care and feeding of Japanese females based on my own personal experiences with students, girlfriends and my wife. For one thing, Japanese women tend to be punctual, and can never seem to figure out why when I say “I’ll be there in ten minutes” I mean an hour and a half. Japanese love refined white rice and usually eat it three times a day, which has the unfortunate result of giving most women here chronic constipation. From my own viewpoint as a gaijin, Japanese females are likely to have some strange ideas, like how a glass of water that’s been sitting out for fifteen minutes must be thrown away because “there’s dust in it now.” They nearly all have feet that are exactly 23.5 cm in size, so if you ever need to buy shoes for a Japanese woman, go with that size and you’ll probably be safe. I’ve also known several Japanese females who had a bizarre obsession with plucking my facial hairs, delighting in the sound the hairs make as they’re pulled out by the roots. What’s up with that? I wish I knew. (If you share our fascination with Japanese females, we recommend our popular “Now Accepting Applications for a Japanese Girlfriend” T-shirts, hats and hoodies.)
I do my best to understand Japanese women, but usually fail.