English Grammar Hell

If you want to watch a Japanese person count mentally, ask them how many years they studied English. The answer will be “six” if they’ve graduated from high school, or “ten” if they’ve been to college. Although they do study English for many years, it’s not uncommon for Japanese to not really master the language very well, in part due the dry, academic way English grammar is covered in school. Did you know there were five fundamental types of sentences in English? They’re SV, SVC, SVO, SVOO, and SVOC, and although I studied linguistics in college I’m not sure what they mean, though ESL students here meticulously memorize them for the next test. The Japanese are also good at coming up with ways of remembering which verbs must be used in gerund form (“stop smoking” but not “stop to smoke”) and which can take either gerund or infinitive verbs (both “I like to eat chocolate” and “I like eating chocolate” are okay). Seen from the viewpoint of a native speaker, it’s quite unnatural to create a framework for comprehending English grammar that doesn’t actually help you, you know, speak the language at all.

If English is your native language, go hug your parents right now.