Living in a foreign country changes you, a fact I learned when, after just a year living in New Zealand as a boy, I came back with a Kiwi accent. Back in the early days of the Internet gaijin living in Japan would get together on Usenet and create “You’ve been in Japan too long when…” lists. Here are some of my favorites.You’ve been in Japan too long when…
- …you bow to the person on the other end of a phone conversation.
- …you no longer remember the English names of fish. (“Spanish mackerel? Never heard of it, but try this delicious saba sashimi.”)
- …you’ve mastered the art of sleeping while riding in a train…standing up.
- …you kill time waiting for the bus by practicing your golf swing with an umbrella.
- …while stopped at a stoplight, you turn off your car’s headlights to avoid blinding the person across the intersection from you.
- …you know the size of every room in your house in 畳 (jo), or standard sized tatami mats.
- …you’ve forgotten your weight, height and shoe size in the units of your home country.
- …if you have mastered that squeezing a lemon slice with the chopsticks thing so that you don’t get lemon juice on your fingers.
- …if you confuse concepts like “stepmother” and “mother-in-law” because they’re both covered by the same word, giri-no-haha or “mother-of-obligation,” in Japanese.
- …if you’re okay with strawberry and whipped cream as a sandwich filling.
- …if you order “American coffee” when home for a visit. (“American coffee” is a kind of weaker coffee blend served in Japanese coffee shops.)
- …if the letter “W” carries the concept of “double” (as in, double the savings, double the benefits) as it does for Japanese.
Mmm, I could do with a strawberry and whipped cream sandwich right about now.
