Here’s a theory: hip toys make the best fidget toys.
That’s bro “science.” The flashing orange air quotes are there so you won’t expect any brain gymnastics here. Nope. We’re not doing the science thing. The pure, unfiltered nonsense of late-night frat-boy theory crafting is our purview.
Great news: J-List has started a new sale, giving you 18% off all DVDs, Blu-rays, and Nintendo Switch games. That means an instant 18% off all imported anime Blu-rays, sexy live-action JAV titles, hentai anime, and region-free anime games for your Nintendo Switch! Browse all sale products now!
Think About It. Think until Your Brain Implodes!
It’s December, when habit switches my brain into holiday mode. A relaxed cerebral cortex is, as anyone who’s had a great idea in the shower knows, good for thinking things. My thinky epiphany is that the very first comfort we find in life, immediately after being thrust into this grim Taylor Swift-obsessed world, is a boob. And what resembles, feels similar to, and reacts to gravity in a similarly pleasing fashion? That’s right! Water balloons.
Now, water balloons can bounce, but they break if you smash them too hard. Kind of like… watermelons. And, what else is sometimes firm, sometimes squishy? Donald Trump. (The thread of similarity is astounding, really.) And where does The Orange Man pull his ideas from? His derriere. This part might be actual science.
So, if we can draw an interconnected line between breasticles and bottoms (bottomsticles never worked), then we have unmistakable evidence (for bro science) that fondling posterior flesh is as satisfying as kneading knockers (whoever called them “knockers” forgot about the dangling things between his own legs).
Therefore: Hip Toys = Satisfying Fidget Toys
Know Your Goal Before You Buy Your Fidget Toy Hole
We have many hip toys, at a wide variety of price points. This means you can, as any investor should, start small and work your way up to a bigger… what was that word… investment. Ahem.
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A Room with a View for Only $44 (USD)
Hip toys are the best fidget toys, but the 1.4 kg of tangible joy of the Ass Perfect Princess includes tip-top titillation. Which is to say, it has breasts. Strictly speaking (for word-nerds who love a correct definition), the Ass Perfect Princess is a torso toy. It’ll keep both hands busy!
The Ass Perfect Princess offers the best of both worlds at a reasonable price. It’s 10.2 in. (26 cm) long.
Upgrade to Prime Real Estate
At $55 (USD), we get our hands on the meaty Inwaku Suggestion — Nostalgic Onahole. This hip toy weighs 3.7 lb. (1.7 kg) and is 7.5 in. (19 cm) long, with a width of 5.5 in. (14 cm). That’ll fit comfortably on your desk. We checked. Our tech gurus use the Inwaku Suggestion as supportive cushions for late-night coding. Put it ass-up between your arms, ready to catch your descending head before it impacts against the desk.
Comfort and International Bureau of Safety Standards approved!
The Big Spender’s Deluxe Property
Go big (and forget the “go home” nonsense). The Do You Like Perfect Hip Girl? SOFT ~ Deluxe Dual Use Onahole is a mouthful and two handfuls. The hip toy is J-List’s most expensive, and it offers the business bits of a sex doll. However, unlike a sex doll, there’s no daily hiding of a body. Subterfuge isn’t this hip toy’s biggest feature; it’s the cheeks. Ha! That’s 22 lb. (10 kg) of cheekiness.
Nobody can beat that much fidget toy flesh unless it’s the real thing!
Honorable Hip Toys and Me-Time Mentions
The 2 Holes Gokujo Namagoshi ~ Akari Mitani is a mid-range hip toy based on popular JAV (Japanese Adult Video) actress Akari Mitani. We only have one left in stock, which must be because of the toy’s alluring realism! The 2 Holes Gokujo Namagoshi ~ Akari Mitani retails for $120 (USD) and weighs 6.6 lb. (3 kg).
Akari Mitani appeared in over 400 productions within three years. She retired from the JAV industry in July of this year, so it’ll be interesting to see what she gets up to in 2026.
Hip, Hip, Hooray for Hip Fidget Toys!
We have plenty of hip adult toys in stock and an ongoing Christmas sale to help your wallet weather the seasonal financial bleed. Bottoms up!
If you’ve bought a hip toy from J-List before, let us know if it met your expectations. We’d love to hear your questions, too. Drop them in the comments, like Dylan-kun.
Let’s Chat
You made it to the end of this post! Thank you! As a token of our appreciation, enjoy an extra 5% off your next order with code BLOG at checkout. Also, don’t forget to follow J-List on all our platforms!
- Twitter/X, where Peter posts anime booba for you.
- Megumi Channel is our new YouTube channel, where Megumi-chan discusses all things anime. Please give us a follow!
- Bluesky, where we post several times a day.
- Facebook, where you can find our blog posts… though the site has become hostile to anime memes and other fun content.
- Discord, if you want to chat with other J-List customers of culture.
Great news: J-List has started a new sale giving you 18% off all DVDs, Blu-rays, and Nintendo Switch games. That means an instant 18% off all imported anime Blu-rays, sexy live-action JAV titles, hentai anime, and region-free anime games for your Nintendo Switch! Browse all sale products now!
