Berserk (2016), Unicorn Fondlers, and Thighs on Toast

Heavy is the head that wears the tinfoil hat. On one hand, Berserk — the dark fantasy tale of revenge — has an epic 41 volumes of the original manga, with 70 million copies currently in circulation. It’s immensely popular. On the other prosthetic metal appendage, fans widely reviled Berserk (2016) for its computer-generated animation. What is a casual anime fan to think?

Berserk Isn’t for Limp-Wristed Unicorn Fondlers

Anime reviewers have a duty to you, the discerning reader, to find the best anime. We’re here to help you manage your time so you can play more gacha games. Or fondle well-endowed mouse pads.

With this great responsibility comes the proverbial amount of power; we can nearsightedly ruin an anime by turning a minor issue into a critical mistake.

Don’t fall for anime reviewers and their limp-wristed, butt-kissing pandering. You’re reading articles on J-List because you’re the master of your own mind. You’re our kind of forward-thinking person. You can make your own call about a show’s animation style.

Hey Waiter, There’s Grit in My Grit

I like my fantasy the same way I like my coffee. Grim, bitter, dark, and served on the athletic thigh of a redhead in a chain mail bikini. Yes, we know the bikini doesn’t protect or cover much of anything, but would you go toe-to-toe with a woman who apparently didn’t need armor? Of course not.

Fantasy is the toast, and you can pair it with any topping: A smear of isekai. A dollop of magical girls. Or the gritty, unprocessed look into the dark soul of humanity. Flavor your toast any way you like and gobble it down.

And, if fantasy is the toast, then the animation is the plate it’s served on. Or the athletic thigh. We might be pushing this analogy to the breaking point, but you are imagining eating toast off powerful thighs.

Go Berserk, Go CGI, or Go Home

I’m not here to defend grimdark fantasy specifically. But I will talk about Berserk’s CGI animation in the context of what this anime is.

Berserk took flak for its use of CGI when it premiered. And sure, the character’s movements can be awkward and ugly, and you might feel like you’re watching an MMORPG. But there’s more action in a five-minute clip of Berserk than in a whole episode of most modern isekai shows.

The animators likely made a trade-off in favor of intense action. It paid off. Guts, the main character, is a badass. His grim blue steel poses work because he dominates the frenetic fight scenes preceding his ‘I’ve seen horrors’ moments of staring off into oblivion. The action fits the subject matter. Thigh. Toast. Chunky peanut butter. Chef’s kiss.

But I’m a grimdark nerd, so I’ll tie myself to this soapbox, toast in hand.

Have you watched either of the Berserk series? Have you fondled a unicorn? Tell it to the internet, in the comments, so we can keep a record for eternity.

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