Back in the early days of the web and Usenet, foreigners living in Japan started a list called “You’ve been in Japan too long when…” about what can happen to foreign expats who deign to stay here for many years. Here are a few for you. (The full listing is here.)You’ve been in Japan too long…
- when you return the bow from the cash machine.
- when you are only slightly puzzled by the concept of Vermont Curry.
- when you buy a strawberry-and-whipped-cream sandwich for lunch at 7-11.
- if your favorite dessert is Coffee Jelly.
- when you pronounce the ‘e’ in ‘aloe’ and think aloe flavored yogurt could catch on back home.
- if you have mastered that squeezing a lemon slice with the chopsticks thing so that you don’t get lemon juice on your fingers.
- when you know what an ‘American dog’ is (it’s what a ‘corn dog’ is called here).
- if your weight, shoe size, and height in the Imperial measuring system (if you’re American) have ceased to be relevant for you.
- if you have mastered the art of starting your car without getting in it yet (possible since the key is accessible from the right side of the car).
- if you politely turn off your headlights while at a stop light to avoid blinding the driver across the intersection from you.
- if you think cod roe spaghetti with chilled red wine is a typical Italian dish.
- if you can’t find the “open” and “close” buttons in the elevator because they’re in English
- when you can’t read your kids the Three Little Pigs without giggling when you get to the part about “Not by the hair of chinny chin chin” (chin chin is a cute word for a penis in Japanese).
Did you think I was kidding about the strawberry and whipped cream sandwiches?
