There are many skills a foreigner needs if he wants to live in Japan. You need to learn the basics of the language, of course, including asking directions, since you will be lost more often than not your first year here. In accordance with the San Francisco Peace Treaty of 1951, gaijin in Japan are required to learn phrases like biiru o kudasai (beer, please) and hen na gaijin desu (I’m a strange foreigner). Another important skill is learning to speak in secret code so that others can’t understand what you’re saying. For a foreigner working as, say, an English teacher, this can usually be achieved by using extra-difficult English. If you wanted to make a comment on how cute a certain girl is but keep her from understanding, you might say “I am amorously affected by the member of the fairer gender standing off my starboard side.” The trouble is, you never know for sure how good their English might be. Once in a KFC, I made a comment to a friend about how the word “Colonel” — kaanaru as the Japanese say it — sounded like a certain “ecchi” word in English, and I was surprised when the Japanese girl working the cash register said “Yes, I’ve often thought that” in perfect English (she’d grown up in Los Angeles), causing me to jump out of my shoes in surprise.
You never know when Japanese people will speak really good English.
