Goblins on the March: Breed All Humans! is the new game from JAST USA and Chaos-R featuring Freak Strike, and it sure does what it says on the tin. After a brief prologue in which the player character is isekaied from modern-day Japan to a fantasy realm (courtesy of the obligatory run-in with a truck), the game launches straight into its first explicit scene. The game knows you didn’t pick up something subtitled “Breed All Humans!” because you were ambivalent about such matters. It will give you what you came for, and lots of it.
In this new world, our protagonist is a goblin and learns through ravishing a local human woman that he possesses a legendary power — he can instantly impregnate women, causing them to give birth to multiple new goblin troops immediately. This power makes him king of the goblins and is the mechanic by which you boost your horde against the forces you seek to subjugate. The more women in the harem, the more you can breed, all while enjoying a vast array of sex scenes and vivid CGs.
The world’s two rival factions are the existing ruler and an uprising fueled by vengeance. Each has two focus characters, a leader and her subordinate, and there are lesbian scenes between each pair and with the male goblins. The political plot between the two factions makes up the thrust of the narrative and can be surprisingly gory at times.
To bolster your power, you must interact with five local spirits who can provide blessings, and Emmy, the witch of the woods, who becomes your first ally and potential breeding partner. Emmy’s happy-go-lucky and sassy personality often infuriates the protagonist. But I found her a likable foil and a lot of fun to interact with. Each of the nature spirits provides another sex scene as they bestow their power.
The amount of strategy required to engage with the enemy is minimal. But it is possible to get a game over if you don’t go about things in the correct order. The game wants you to do as much human impregnating as you desire, but it wants to give you the satisfaction of having worked for it at least a little bit.
If this article feels more like an overview than a review, that’s by design. Because this game is either absolutely what you’re looking for or doesn’t interest you. Hopefully, by telling you a bit about it, I’ve helped you to see which camp you fall into. Either the idea of lots of glossy CGs of women becoming heavily pregnant through the attentions of multiple goblins is the greatest thing you’ve heard this week, or it’s not for you. If it is for you, then Goblins on the March: Breed All Humans! should be your next visual novel pickup because it’s brilliant at what it does.
